Breaking the Cycle: Healing from Self‑Abuse and Harm Towards Others
Many sensitive and spiritually aware souls carry invisible wounds—ones they’ve turned inward as self-blame, or outward in moments of pain. Often, these patterns don’t come from cruelty, but from old stories written in times of fear, neglect, or emotional survival. You might find yourself stuck in cycles of overgiving, self-sabotage, or misdirected anger, wondering why it keeps happening—despite your best intentions.
At Soukya Health & Wellbeing in North Brisbane, we understand that these behaviours are not reflections of your worth. They are signs that something within is asking for your presence, your care, and your healing. This post offers a compassionate, holistic look at how self-abuse and harm toward others can emerge—and how you can begin to gently unravel those patterns through awareness, energy healing, and emotional release.
Healing is not about judgment. It’s about reclaiming your power with grace.
Why This Conversation Matters
Soukya’s article courageously uncovered the silence, shame, and reclaiming of voice around abuse. Here, we go further into how patterns of self‑abuse and relational harm form—and how you can begin to unwind them with self-compassion and grounded tools.
These patterns often emerge in sensitive, empathic individuals—especially those who were taught to silence their needs, suppress their feelings, or take responsibility for others' emotional states. This conversation is an invitation to see these behaviours not as flaws, but as outdated survival strategies that can be lovingly unlearned.
Tracing the Roots: Where Harm Begins
Abuse—whether turned inward or outward—often grows from:
Unmet emotional needs in early life: When our basic needs for affection, attention, and validation go unmet, we often internalise the belief that we are unworthy or broken.
Unresolved trauma or grief: Pain that isn’t processed gets stored in the body and nervous system, often resurfacing in moments of stress or vulnerability.
Learned behaviours: We may repeat what we saw growing up—criticising, withdrawing, or pleasing to avoid conflict.
Protective strategies: These patterns once helped us survive—but in adulthood, they can keep us disconnected from ourselves and others.
Understanding these roots allows us to approach healing not with blame, but with tenderness and clarity.
Two Faces of Harm
Self-Abuse Might Look Like:
-Harsh self-talk or inner shaming
-Chronic people-pleasing, even when it's depleting
-Sabotaging opportunities because you feel undeserving
-Overworking to "earn" your worth or avoid being still
-Denying yourself nourishment, rest, or joy
-Harming Others Might Look Like:
-Passive-aggressive comments or actions
-Emotional withdrawal or stonewalling when overwhelmed
-Trying to control others’ feelings or decisions out of fear
-Criticising instead of expressing vulnerability
-Inconsistency in affection or communication
These are responses, not identities. Both expressions are signs that some part of you is asking for care and safety.
A Story of Change
Ella’s Turning Point
Ella found herself constantly walking on eggshells—both around others and within her own mind. Her inner critic was so loud that even small mistakes triggered shame spirals. In relationships, she would explode emotionally, then retreat in guilt.
Working with me, Ella used emotional release therapy to express grief she hadn’t acknowledged since childhood. Through kinesiology, she discovered her patterns stemmed from an internalised fear of abandonment. Over time, Ella learned to pause before reacting, to speak her truth gently, and to set limits without guilt.
Her story reflects what’s possible when we choose to meet ourselves with honesty and compassion.
Gentle Tools for Healing
A. Mirror Work
A foundational self-love practice to rebuild connection with your own reflection. Try this daily:
“I see you. You’re doing your best. You deserve love.”
Over time, this practice rewires self-perception and quiets the inner critic.
B. Pause Before Reacting
When activated by someone’s words or actions, try asking:
“What part of me feels unseen or unsafe right now?”
This creates space between the trigger and the response—allowing your nervous system to ground before speaking or acting.
C. Embodied Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are expressions of self-respect, not rejection. Practice saying:
“That doesn’t feel okay for me.”
“I need some time to think about this.”
“This is what I need to feel safe.”
Honouring your limits allows deeper, more authentic relationships.
D. Emotional Grounding Practices
Simple, quick tools to regulate your system:
Shake out your limbs to release adrenaline or frustration
Belly breathing to return to your centre
5-minute stream-of-consciousness journaling to process raw emotions
Self-holding: One hand on your heart, one on your belly—breathe and feel.
Therapies That Support Deep Change
Healing Modality Benefit
-Kinesiology Identifies stress patterns and helps rebalance emotional energy in the body
-Emotional Release Therapy Allows safe expression and processing of stuck feelings like anger or grief
-Reiki & Energy Healing Restores flow, grounds energy, and supports the nervous system
-Mindfulness Coaching Builds self-awareness, reduces reactivity, and promotes emotional resilience
-Spiritual Counselling Reframes core beliefs and connects you with your soul’s truth and purpose
Healing is not a “fix”—it’s a return. A return to safety, to self, to inner clarity.
If You’re Ready to Go Deeper
This blog builds on the emotional groundwork in:
👉 Breaking the Silence: Healing from Abuse and Cultivating Empowerment
💬 Feeling overwhelmed or carrying the weight of past emotional pain?
If you’re navigating the effects of abuse—whether it’s self-directed or from others—you don’t have to go through it alone. Healing is possible, and support is available when you're ready.
I’d be honoured to walk alongside you as you begin (or continue) your journey back to yourself.
📩 Reach out anytime via vanessa@soukya.com.au or Book a Free consultation below.
